Tertullian · a new plain-English translation from the original language
[1] There remains that national class of gods among the various peoples, whom private local knowledge — not any necessity of truth — teaches us were adopted out of mere caprice. [2] I hold that god must be known everywhere, present everywhere, ruling everywhere, to be worshiped by all, to be deserved well of by all. [3] But if even those gods whom the whole world worships in common fail the test of true divinity, how much more must these, whom not even their own townsmen know? [4] For what fitting authority has gone before to establish a theology of this sort, one that even rumor abandons? [5] How many are there who know, by sight or by hearsay, Atargatis of the Syrians, the Heavenly Goddess of the Africans, Varsutina of the Moors, Obodas and Dusares of the Arabians, Belenus of Noricum, [6] or those Varro lists: Deluentinus of the people of Casinum, Visidianus of Narnia, Numiternus of Atina, Ancharia of Ausculum, and — whichever else comes to mind first — Nortia of Volsinii, whose very names carry no more dignity than ordinary human surnames? [7] I laugh outright, indeed, at gods who are mere town-councilmen of their respective municipalities, whose honor is bounded by their own city walls.
[8] How far this liberty of adopting gods has advanced, the superstitions of the Egyptians teach us, who worship even their own private beasts — ibises, crocodiles, and their sacred serpent. [9] It is not enough that they have even consecrated a man — I mean the one whom not Egypt or Greece alone, but the whole world now worships, and by whom the Africans swear; and what can be conjectured about his true status is, as seems probable, recorded in our own scriptures. [10] For this Serapis was once, in fact, called Joseph, of the race of the holy men — younger than his other brothers, but of higher standing, and out of envy he was sold by those same brothers and handed over into Egypt to serve in the household of Pharaoh, king of the Egyptians. [11] He was desired by a queen of less than modest character, but because he would not comply, he was, on the contrary, denounced by her and thrown into prison by the king. [12] There, by rightly interpreting the dreams of certain men, he showed the power of his spirit. [13] Meanwhile the king too dreamed certain terrifying things; and when those he had summoned failed to explain them, Joseph — brought up out of prison — proved equal to the task, and laid the dream open to the king: [14] that those seven exceedingly fat cattle signified an equal number of years overflowing with abundance, while the seven that followed, wasted and starved, foretold the want of the seven years after them; and that it was therefore wise to store up reserves from the earlier plenty against the coming famine. [15] The king believed him; and the outcome of events proved him ever prudent, holy, and indispensable. So Pharaoh set him over the whole of Egypt, both to supply it with grain and thereafter to administer it.
[16] They called him Serapis after the headdress with which his head was adorned; and the bushel-shaped form of that headdress seals the memory of his grain-supply, while the ears of corn that mark its rim make plain that the care of the crops rested upon his head. [17] For this reason they also dedicated at his right hand the dog which they assign to the underworld, because under his hand the crowd of Egyptians was kept in check. [18] And they add to him Pharia, whom the derivation of her name shows to be Pharaoh's daughter. For at that time, too, Pharaoh, among his other honors and rewards, had given him his daughter in marriage. [19] But since they had taken to worshiping both beasts and men, they combined both faces into one, Anubis — in whom this quarrelsome people might rather be seen to have consecrated proof of their own nature and condition: rebellious against their own kings, groveling before foreigners, indeed the equal of dogs in gluttony and filth, and equal too in sheer servility.
IX.